Thank god I'm not a goldfish or I would be dead by now

 

missdawntwilight:

c-parks:

momcrotch:

how about getting stabbed

good luck calling for medical attention with a dead phone

Re-blogging purely for that comeback ^

missdawntwilight:

c-parks:

momcrotch:

how about getting stabbed

good luck calling for medical attention with a dead phone

Re-blogging purely for that comeback ^

(Source: samisoffthewall)

adriofthedead:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

we need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"The Galaxy, which had been enjoying a period of unusual peace and prosperity at the time, reeled like a man getting mugged in a meadow.”
"it was a deep, hollow malevolent voice which sounded like molten tar glurping out of a drum with evil on its mind.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"… a large and voluminous creature who looked like someone losing a fight with a pink duvet …”
"He screwed up his face and then dropped his head forward, shaking it like someone trying to shake a coin out of a money box.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"He leapt to his feet like an author hearing the phone ring”
"he started to stalk forward slowly and stealthily wearing a puzzled frown of concentration, like a leopard that’s not sure whether it’s just seen a half-empty tin of cat food half a mile away across a hot and dusty plain.”
"it looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

You forgot one of the best ones:
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

adriofthedead:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

we need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

"The Galaxy, which had been enjoying a period of unusual peace and prosperity at the time, reeled like a man getting mugged in a meadow.”

"it was a deep, hollow malevolent voice which sounded like molten tar glurping out of a drum with evil on its mind.”

"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

"… a large and voluminous creature who looked like someone losing a fight with a pink duvet …”

"He screwed up his face and then dropped his head forward, shaking it like someone trying to shake a coin out of a money box.”

"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

"He leapt to his feet like an author hearing the phone ring”

"he started to stalk forward slowly and stealthily wearing a puzzled frown of concentration, like a leopard that’s not sure whether it’s just seen a half-empty tin of cat food half a mile away across a hot and dusty plain.”

"it looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

You forgot one of the best ones:

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

(Source: stonecoldstevebuscemi)

brigwife:

kidouyuuto:

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme 

*800 years of war*